Dating in lockdown [TW]
Item
Title
Dating in lockdown [TW]
Experience
[Extract from personal journal from the beginning of lockdown]
I felt all the irrational emotions of betrayal and hurt: of loves lost and of my mothers words – "You are worthless if you sleep with a man out of wedlock". I felt angry that I hated him. He looked so suddenly unattractive to me: his arms which used to give me the feeling of a safe place now looked and reminded me of a prison: cold, impersonal and unsafe. His caring eyes looked sad and empty. His body, which was once attractive to me, now just appeared in my mind as this male sex machine with another woman morphed onto him. There was no space for me. I felt trapped. I must get out, I thought – but there was nowhere to go – outside on the streets, my voice echoed in the dark and I remembered that Covid-19 had wiped out everything not just in Oxford but around the whole world. There was nowhere to go, and no-one to go to. We were in a national lockdown that felt more like an apocalypse had taken place and it felt suddenly far more suffocating and lonely than I ever imagined it would.
I felt all the irrational emotions of betrayal and hurt: of loves lost and of my mothers words – "You are worthless if you sleep with a man out of wedlock". I felt angry that I hated him. He looked so suddenly unattractive to me: his arms which used to give me the feeling of a safe place now looked and reminded me of a prison: cold, impersonal and unsafe. His caring eyes looked sad and empty. His body, which was once attractive to me, now just appeared in my mind as this male sex machine with another woman morphed onto him. There was no space for me. I felt trapped. I must get out, I thought – but there was nowhere to go – outside on the streets, my voice echoed in the dark and I remembered that Covid-19 had wiped out everything not just in Oxford but around the whole world. There was nowhere to go, and no-one to go to. We were in a national lockdown that felt more like an apocalypse had taken place and it felt suddenly far more suffocating and lonely than I ever imagined it would.
Date
2020-04 See all items with this value
Where
Oxford
Item sets
This item was submitted on June 25, 2020